Do you have a problem with overthinking?
Maybe you repeat conversations you had with people in your mind and think about all the things you wished you had said but you hadn’t.
Or you spend a lot of time thinking about the meaning of things people say or events that happen? Do you relive difficult moments in your head over and over again?
If you recognize yourself in this, probably sometimes you can’t relax at day and night feeling like your mind can’t shut off itself.
This article gives you a simple explanation, how to stop overthinking and at the same time, gives you science proved information to help understand why this is happening.
When you become more aware of your tendency to overthink, you can take steps to change.
Actually, what does overthink mean?
Overthinking means condition in your mind when you don’t want thinking about something happening in your life but you can’t help yourself.
Whatever you do and wherever you go plenty of unpleasant thoughts are here, in your head. You can’t get them out. They upset you the whole day and keep you awake all night.
Many people overthink a little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier than it actually is. Sometimes overthinking positive things make them don’t look so positive anymore.
Overthink leads to overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something at the moment disappears.
The truth is, everyone, overthinks sometimes. Some people become aware of what happens in their mind and focus on something else successfully.
They understand the more they think, the worse they feel.
So, they force themselves to take some activity which going to help to stop overthinking.
Imagine overthinking as an avalanche. When it starts to form it is just a snowflake. It joins with countless others and turns into an avalanche that takes away everything in front of it.
The same is over-thinking. It starts with just one thought. Stop that first thought before it turning into an avalanche of thoughts and emotions.
Can you stop to think?
Do a simple exercise for easier understanding:
Sit comfortably, close your eyes and try not to think about anything for at least 5 minutes. Try to remove any thought or picture coming across on your mind, within 5 minutes.
What did you notice?
Probably you noticed that it’s very difficult and you made an effort to stop your thoughts, but it did not work. This looks like an impossible mission and you’re absolutely right.
But if you notice you have not any thought in your mind during this exercise, it is likely you are not aware of your thoughts.
There’s a difference between having a thought and being aware that you’re having a thought. Many people can’t observe what thoughts are present in their mind, because their conciseness is turn off. They are turned on to autopilot.
In fact, you cannot stop your thoughts. They are the product of your mind and are creating automatically.
The thoughts help you to interpret the world around you, describing what’s happening. The human mind continuously works creating thoughts until the end of life.
And this is Ok. What is not OK is the fact that your thoughts are not always useful to you, and you are not always aware of them.
What is the main reason for overthinking?
The main reason for overthinking is an unconscious process of producing thoughts automatically through the process of association.
Actually, when all of a sudden one thought come across in your mind, shortly after that, this one pulls another thought, and through the process of associations, many thoughts (similar to that first thought) are created.
In one moment, during this process when something else occupies your attention, or you focus on the other thing, your mind begins to create other kinds of thoughts.
Beyond doubt, your thoughts follow your focus whether outside or inside of you.
When you had a conflict with someone or something has happened in your life you didn’t like it, you as all human beings tend to overthink the whole situation.
Especially when someone said something offensive to you, or embarrass you in front of other people or you did something and now feel guilty, or your expectations about something are not fulfilled. In similar situations, you can start easily to overthink.
You ask yourself a hundred times “why…or “what if…” questions, think that isn’t fair, or “what I could say”, etc.
When you overthink you allow your mind to produce automatically and unconsciously lots of thoughts that are usually unpleasant because they go together with similar emotions.
Example
Imagine this situation:
You finished a lot of hard work in the office. You did your best to finish the job correctly and even expected a reward for that.
Instead of this your boss was very cruel to you. His behavior made you become angry.
Now you have a headache and you cannot stop thinking about it. Your thoughts might be:
“I am an idiot, why I needed to work so hard? I gave my best instead of not bothering so much. And now I got only a headache. It was not worth to make an effort, no one appreciates that. What my colleagues thinking now. I’m sure they are laughing and gossip me. Why did I allow this”?
And you are imagining a lot of pictures in your mind, how your colleagues laughing, gossiping, etc. These thoughts make you feel very bad.
Because of these bad feelings, your thoughts and images in your mind are multiplying themselves.
You are already in the closed circle of overthinking. Probably you will not be able to sleep all night.
If you couldn’t focus on something else during overthink and this last too long, can you imagine how much thoughts your mind can produce through the process of association?
Not only one or two for sure, but thousands of thoughts trapping you into overthinking.
This situation is going to increase the intensity of your feelings and the opposite intense feeling makes more and more similar thoughts.
If you are not careful and aware of these facts you could easily fall in a trap of overthinking.
The content of your thoughts directly produces your emotions and starts your behavior.
Your thoughts and your emotions are different things
Some people identify thoughts with emotions and cannot make a difference.
Emotions are the product of the content of their thoughts.
Overthinking is unpleasant because of producing emotions.
Lots of thoughts mean emotion with high intensity. As your overthinking lasts, the intensity of your emotions becomes bigger.
You should understand this to be able to cope with overthinking.
You will be able to make a difference between thoughts, emotions, and behavior with the next simple example.
Example
Imagine this situation:
You let your child to play in the neighborhood and he/she doesn’t come home after a while.
All of a sudden you start thinking that “something bad happened to him”.
What you think directly affects how you feel and probably you are going to feel concern, maybe fear.
It is impossible to think that something bad happened to your child and during that to feel very happy.
If at this moment you don’t become aware of your first thought and say to yourself :
“Calm down, stop thinking of the worst, maybe he/she is playing with other children and forget”, it is very likely that with process of associations the word “something bad” you thought in the beginning, would draw many black thoughts into your mind such as:
“Uh … something bad must have happened … did somebody kidnap him”? (thought)
“My child is not very careful when crossing the street … maybe a car hit him … and now it’s in the hospital” … (thought)
And you imagine a picture your child crying into the hands of an unknown person … (thought).
And probably here you will start to panic (emotion) because the first thought (something bad happened) create your fear (emotion).
The intensity grows proportionally by calling of the other thoughts (similar to the first) and will go into an even greater panic (emotion).
After this, you will not be able to cope and you will begin to cry (behavior), to run (behavior) or to look for (behavior).
What you should do to stop overthinking?
The first step you should make to stop overthinking is to become aware of your thoughts.
How? With a focus on your mind.
Ask your self: What’s happening right now? What thoughts and feelings, do I notice?
Observe a little! You can write your thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper.
That is the best way because you can see them out of your mind, and become more aware of them.
Awareness is going to help you to stop overthinking before it starts to grow. In the very beginning when something starts to upset you, say:
“STOP” to yourself.
“I need now to see clearly the whole situation”.
“What meaning am I giving to this situation”? Is this really too important to me?
“How important will be in a year’s time”?
“ Is there another way of looking at this”? “How would others see it”? Can I see the situation with their eyes”?
“What would someone else make of it”? It’s often helpful to think about a particular person who you respect, and imagine what they would think about that though, what meaning they would give it, and how they would react to it.
“ What advice would I give to my sister/friend if he/she was at my place?
“Is this a fact or only my opinion? “Can I bring out facts” Are there any?
Awareness of your thoughts is the key to stop overthinking
Let’s take the example above to explain what you should do to stop overthinking:
If you immediately become aware of the first thought, as it said in the example before “I am an idiot, why I needed to work so hard?” and at the same moment, you stop thinking in that way, and say to yourself:
“Calm down, I refuse to think about myself this way, I really worked hard but I did a good job. The behavior of my boss is not my problem. I can enjoy my free time now, and I don care about anything”.
These opposite-thoughts of the first thought (“I am an idiot, why I needed to work so hard?”) will calm you down. You will not allow your mind to produce more and more similar thoughts, trough association and to bring you to severe anxiety.
The other thing that can help a lot whenever become aware that we are thinking about that unpleasant event is to focus on something else.
Say “stop” to you and say this:
“I refuse to think about this anymore. Overthink can’t help me, only make me suffer a lot. I don’t need doing this to myself|”
After this go and focus on something else.
For example, go out with friends, talk to someone, go exercising or go shopping or do some other activity. As you focus your mind on something else you will notice the thoughts lost their power over you.
Read next:
How Does Your Way of Thinking Become your Biggest Enemy
